I have struggled with social anxiety for as long as I can remember, from when I was a shy little kid to the rambling extrovert that I am today. Change and uncertainty are massive triggers for me and worldwide pandemics bring plenty of those. Before we were all kicked out in March, I thought I had found my footing regarding social scenarios, I was able to recognize my anxiety when it was at a manageable level and do some of the techniques I do here to calm myself down (see picture above ;)). However, when we transitioned to a world of zoom, video chat, and text all day all the time I felt like my worst fear was now my reality: every little detail mattered and my support system (MIT, my friends, my frat) was now hundreds of miles away. Being at home was hard, now interactions felt superficial and shielded, I felt like it was hard to be myself. It was almost like having a new persona that I had to take care of. It felt hard to text, to call, because it was so overwhelming to think that now every word that I wrote mattered 100 times more because of how limited interactions were.
However, as with everything time helped! :)
I focused on taking care of myself and tried to be kind and forgiving to myself and hoped that my friends would understand that for me communicating this way was incredibly hard. Little by little, I called my friends more, reconnected with people over text, or simply tried to send a heartfelt message to someone that I was thinking of them and that I cared. I started to feel a lot less overwhelmed and felt less lonely. Then, I moved into campus and everything changed again! I was now interacting on a daily basis with my pod (a group of 5 people you can interact with) and felt like every conversation was so fragile, communicating via text felt like a weird land again, and I became incredibly insecure. I felt that if I somehow managed to mess something up with my friends that I would be completely alone. Right now I am adapting again and that’s okay! As scary as it is, I know that with the help of my friends, family, and myself that I will adapt again and find my own new normal.
If you are struggling right now, you got this!! Hope the list and my perspective helped in some way or at least made you feel a little less alone :)